Physical Illness, Mental Illness, Invisible Illness

[ChemGal]

I've seen this go around multiple times:
http://i.huffpost.com/gen/2271298/thumbs/o-ROBOT-HUGS-570.jpg?6

Under the heading what if physical illnesses were treated like mental illnesses and then it's often encouraged to treat mental illness like physical illness. I take issue with the examples used, as people DO say things like these to those with physical illnesses. Is the way we treat physical illness really the goal for mental illness? Why not shoot higher?

 

[ChemGal]

There's a reason memes like this exist.

 

[Seeler]

I've heard them all in relation to my Crohns disease - not so much so with Parkinsons, but sometimes it's there. People often don't understand the fatigue that goes with illness.

 

[ChemGal]

Seeler the fatigue can be really horrible. I get both the mind fatigue in 2 different ways - sleepiness that others get when doing too much/staying up too late and the crashing feeling I've described, as well as the body fatigue.

 

[Mrs.Anteater]

Just a thought: Isn't this the typical thing people say, if they don't know what to say and should rather not have said anything? I mean- same kind of "advice" you get from people about your parenting, your marriage problems. I mean, most times, we don't really know what to say and think that just saying something would be helpful. And after all, all of these suggestion might have a point for somebody- maybe just not for you at that time.

 

[ChemGal]

Just a thought: Isn't this the typical thing people say, if they don't know what to say and should rather not have said anything? I mean- same kind of "advice" you get from people about your parenting, your marriage problems. I mean, most times, we don't really know what to say and think that just saying something would be helpful. And after all, all of these suggestion might have a point for somebody- maybe just not for you at that time.

Telling me to stop my medication because it isn't natural is something people say because they don't have anything better to suggest? I have a tough time with that one.

 

[Mrs.Anteater]

Well, I assumed that that advice is not coming from your best friend, who knows all about you, your health, your feelings. Because if someone would take the time to fully understand what you are about, they wouldn't say things like that. Best friends - by my definition, are the ones that would ask you what you think you need and how they could help you with that.
So, people who come up with all kinds of advice which reflects more of themselves than of you (like that person seems into "natural stuff"), are people who are neighbours (who watch Dr.Oz and Dr.Phil) or some kind of professionals. Like if you go to a Homeopath, he is likely to suggest something like getting rid of all "non-natural" meds. If you go to a Physiotherapist, she is likely to suggest to get more active.

 

[Seeler]

I would agree that questioning the possibility of over-medication is a legimate question if coming from a genuine caring and knowledgeable person. I know over the first year or so when I was diagnosed with bowel disease I was prescribed a variety of medications for inflamation, stress, diarrhea, and to counter the side effects of these medications. I felt like I was living in a fog, forgetful, sleepy, depressed. Only when I found a doctor who would talk to me, explain what each medicine was for, listen to me, and be willing to try gradually discontinuation, adjustment of dosage, and other changes did I experience long periods of relatively good heath between flare-ups.
The trick is to know when it is a concerned person and when it is simply someone who likes to give advice and who jumps to conclusions without knowing the facts or who is butting in when it is none of their business. If my daughter or my husband told me that they were concerned that since I had started a new medication that I seemed jumpy (depressed, anxious, dizzy) I might want to discuss this with my doctor and/or pharmacist. If my neighbour or bil notices me taking a handful of pills after a meal and makes some asinine remark I will probably ignor him or tell him it is none of his business.

 

[ChemGal]

I've gotten am I sure I have the right diagnosis and do I really need to inject medication. (non-health professional)
I've been told that my medication is NOT a medication (by a medication specialist)
I've had a hard time getting a medication I needed due to my sexual history (doctor)
I've been told I should us homeopathy in the middle of an asthma attack, using my inhaler (non-health professional)
I've been told that I should exercise more, when I was feeling really crappy due to an HAE flare and any activity at the time was triggering me. I went in hoping for some medication to make me feel better (doctor)
I've been told that I shouldn't be taking certain medications as it's not natural and will mess with my body (non-health professional)
I've been accused of seeking pain pills because I was concerned about external ear pain that was pretty severe (doctor)

Those are just comments as they relate to medication.

 

[Mrs.Anteater]

There are some general rules/ experiences that are well known among all individuals with regards to what a person needs to live a healthy, fullfilled life: a certain amount of exercises/ physical activity, sleep, healthy food, socializing/personal relationships and something meaningful to do in their life. The Opinions differ how much one needs at any given time. That's where people's right or wrong advice comes in. In the end, everyone has to figure out themselves what works and what doesn't and keep changing the dosage of each as needed.Frustrating? -no doubt. But you seem to know quite well what you want, Chemgal.
Assessing our lives in all those aspects on a regular basis seems to me just a process we do as we get older, if we live with a chronic disease or not.

 

[ChemGal]

There are some general rules/ experiences that are well known among all individuals with regards to what a person needs to live a healthy, fullfilled life: a certain amount of exercises/ physical activity, sleep, healthy food, socializing/personal relationships and something meaningful to do in their life. The Opinions differ how much one needs at any given time. That's where people's right or wrong advice comes in. In the end, everyone has to figure out themselves what works and what doesn't and keep changing the dosage of each as needed.Frustrating? -no doubt. But you seem to know quite well what you want, Chemgal.
Assessing our lives in all those aspects on a regular basis seems to me just a process we do as we get older, if we live with a chronic disease or not.

Have you looked at the picture linked in the OP? Those are the types of attitudes I'm talking about when it's a chronic illness, especially if invisible. I'm wondering if you're just seeing the bingo card, as some of those may be appropriate depending on the situation.

 

[Mrs.Anteater]

Have you looked at the picture linked in the OP? Those are the types of attitudes I'm talking about when it's a chronic illness, especially if invisible. I'm wondering if you're just seeing the bingo card, as some of those may be appropriate depending on the situation.

You have asked me if I am serious that I think most times people don't know what to advise to you and end up saying something that's not useful to you. S that was my point- nobody walks in your shoes, the further away they are from knowing who you are and what you are going through, the more their advice will be something general or something they would consider doing themselves or something they saw on TV ir the internet. There is no question that living with a chrinic disease is tough, especially if it's invisible. It might be better people just shut up and don't say anything- but then- would you think they don't care? Or would it be a relief?

 

[ChemGal]

It might be better people just shut up and don't say anything- but then- would you think they don't care? Or would it be a relief?

Generally, when people care, their attitude comes off very differently from what's in the OP. Some of the things from the picture further below may come up from people who care but it's less of an issue when it's coming from a good place.
From those who just met me and have zero clue what they are talking about, yes I wish they would just shut up, or ask questions to learn.

For those who do care, there are better options to say. I know some people who have had issues with "you don't look sick" as it isn't just a comment, but it means that a person doesn't get help when they are having a flareup and are incapable of/it would be unhealthy for them to do certain activities. When it comes to what someone can do, unless you're part of their health care team, believe them when they say they can't do something - it doesn't matter if they don't look sick. If it's just a comment, keep it as a compliment, something like I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well, but I wouldn't know just from looking at you, you look really good today.

If you're close to someone, mentioning you concerned about certain side effects you're noticing in them due to medications may be helpful. Seeing the number of meds someone takes and just saying they are taking to many isn't.

I have actually heard "Have you tried not being sick" but it was sarcastic by a friend, which was ok. I've also been seriously told by someone to just be healthy. As if it was a choice.

 

[ChemGal]

I don't think I have ever seen the attitude I am referring to towards anyone on WC.

 

[Carolla]

Well, people are people - and most have opinions & attitudes! You, me, them ... Some offer those opinions freely, welcome or not, they don't differentiate. Others are more clued in. Now, that's just my opinion of course

 

[Rowan]

I've been in the same boat as it were. The point, especially of the picture linked in the opening post, and which people seem to miss, is that most people would never say to someone with a visible illness or disability (say a missing limb) to just 'think healthy' or 'try not being an amputee' but they don't even think twice about saying things of that nature to someone with an 'invisible' illness like depression or chronic fatigue syndrome or IBS or fibromyalgia. As if people with those type of conditions were somehow choosing to be ill and that getting better was a matter of just applying enough will power.

 

[Delightful Life]

"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. be kind"
--found on FB

 

[Hermann]

I've been in the same boat as it were. The point, especially of the picture linked in the opening post, and which people seem to miss, is that most people would never say to someone with a visible illness or disability (say a missing limb) to just 'think healthy' or 'try not being an amputee' but they don't even think twice about saying things of that nature to someone with an 'invisible' illness like depression or chronic fatigue syndrome or IBS or fibromyalgia. As if people with those type of conditions were somehow choosing to be ill and that getting better was a matter of just applying enough will power.

A mental disorder is not the same as physical illness. A mental disorder is poor or disordered thinking, which often is more devastating that mere physical illness or disability, as well as harder to cure.

It is also easier to cure--but only if one can mange the trick of changing one's thinking! A mental disorder, no matter what the cause, is poor thinking. If poor thinking is the problem, then thinking better, or not thinking at all, as in meditation, is the solution. But all this is easier said than done.

I think it is a mistake to put mental disorders on the same level as physical illness. Although the two are or can be interrelated, they are not the same. A mental disorder is not something that can be cured from the outside. The disordered psyche must train itself to think better: it must heal itself! There are, of course, all kinds of assistance and medications to help the afflicted psyche heal itself.

 

[ChemGal]

I've been in the same boat as it were. The point, especially of the picture linked in the opening post, and which people seem to miss, is that most people would never say to someone with a visible illness or disability (say a missing limb) to just 'think healthy' or 'try not being an amputee' but they don't even think twice about saying things of that nature to someone with an 'invisible' illness like depression or chronic fatigue syndrome or IBS or fibromyalgia. As if people with those type of conditions were somehow choosing to be ill and that getting better was a matter of just applying enough will power.

The problem I have with it is that is going around with the explanation that no one would say this to someone with a physical illness, but they would to someone with a mental illness. It's minimizing the experiences those with invisible physical illnesses deal with on sometimes unfortunately a regular basis.

 

[Mrs.Anteater]

The problem I have with it is that is going around with the explanation that no one would say this to someone with a physical illness, but they would to someone with a mental illness. It's minimizing the experiences those with invisible physical illnesses deal with on sometimes unfortunately a regular basis.

well. as Herman says, the problem in mental health lies in the thinking- so thinking healthy would likely be the solution, as much as eating healthy, reducing stress would be the solution for someone with IBS (which I have)- and the person who has it knows usually that that's true, but just getting told that's what you have to do, doesn't help. It only works, if you figure out yourself what is good for you. As with IBS- that means weeks and months of observation and food diaries, trial and error. And then you do know when you ate something you knew would be a trigger, took the risk and it affects you. No one else to blame.
The Amputee will get told that if he keeps smoking he will loose his other leg. He gets the facts. If he keeps smoking, he will have to live with the consequences. He might get advice on stop smoking groups.
With every chronic ilness, the self help approach is the best- people need to have the facts but figure out themselves what triggers or influences their disease.
That's what I meant when I compared it to giving advice to parents or people in marriage crisis- just telling them doesn't help- they have to figure out themselves what went wrong and what would work better.