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Successful PArent???

Discussion in 'Family Life' started by GordW, Feb 2, 2019.

  1. GordW

    GordW Church-Geek-Oramus

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    In another thread one poster congratulated another for successful parenting. Yes I know the context and content of that congratulation was highly problematic (and insulting). But it did raise a question for me as a parent...

    What does it mean to be a "successful" parent? How is that measured? And on the flip side, what makes parenting unsuccessful?
     
  2. Mrs.Anteater

    Mrs.Anteater Even winter will come to an end

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    First, "parenting" would have to be defined. Without looking at Wikipedia, I would say it is the conscious and unconscious influence of adult caregivers close to one or more children affecting the child's values, behaviours, self image, emotions and life goals.

    Success however, would be defined by the intention of the influencing adult as well as by the group/ society setting the rules- and therefore does not have to be the same perspective.
    Success also could be seen out of the perspective of the child, now grown adult, by his/her value of what they saw as influence of the parents -or not.
     
  3. Jae

    Jae Well-Known Member

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    No insult was made. People chose to read into a statement something that was not actually stated.
     
  4. Mrs.Anteater

    Mrs.Anteater Even winter will come to an end

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    I just had an interesting conversation with another adherent of the Quakers this morning, who said that he goes by a "model" of eight "criteria" to balance one"s life (I don't think I am getting all eight together): Emotion, Finances, mind, body, soul, sexuality,work- and I am missing one.
    each area needs to be balanced- and the reason I am mentioning this here, is that parenting will leave one with different skills in each of these areas, so "success" might be in some, but not in others. Overall, if a person can get themselves forward on this balancing path with the skills they got from home, I would call it success.
     
  5. Luce NDs

    Luce NDs Well-Known Member

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    Ever hear of errors of omission Jae ... it covers the unsaid and what was really meant by the context of the wording?

    This might be a gap heh in what you have in sub conscience ... nothing? Gods can be like that ... and cluelessly marching into the unknown without having an altruistic essence ... secularly untouchable ... perhaps intangible to yus ...

    God I love unravelling strange expressions ... alternately a mob hates it! They rather lose a thought or deny what they were presenting by suggestion alone ... but failed!
     
  6. Mendalla

    Mendalla A Node in the Interdependent Web

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    Raising a child who is independent insofar as they are able (recognizing that true independence is not an option for all) and, if not caring, then at least respectful of others. All else (education, career, family, etc.) are affected by those.
     
  7. Pinga

    Pinga Room for All

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    Raising a child that is good. Raising a child that is self-aware, and hopefully giving them skills to compliment their weakness.
     
  8. Carolla

    Carolla wondering & wandering

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    Interesting question Gord. It seems to me that our society measures 'success' in parenting (generally speaking) by using the behaviour/personality/status of the child as the outcome measure.& how closely they do or do not adhere to the 'usual' societal norms. Which I think is unfair at some level. Some children grow into amazing people despite their experiences with their parents whom we may just to be unsuitable; others go down different paths despite what 'we' societally would judge as 'successful, or good' parenting being provided. It also doesn't account for the aspects of socioeconomic & racial privilege.

    "Success" is such a judgementally laden term.
     
  9. DaisyJane

    DaisyJane I probably should be working.

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    I have thought a lot about what it means to be a a good parent. I will leave it up to my kids to decide if I am successful!

    For me it has been about the following:

    1) Helping my kids figure out who they are and how to be the best version of themselves. Helping them discover their talents, passions, skills, and so on. Supporting them in developing whatever those things might be.
    2) Raising kind, thoughtful, socially aware, compassionate, and just human beings.
     
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  10. Northwind

    Northwind Still knitting. Singing when I can.

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    This is a good question. What is success anyway? As for skilled parents, I think of a younger @Pinga and her spirited son. I think of you @GordW responding to daughters with distinct personalities.

    A skilled parent is able to respond to the child's needs and help them to develop into the best human they can be
     
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  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    I feel that I was more lucky than good as a parent. Somehow my kids have made it to adulthood, avoided jail, met partners with whom they are happy, and have decent jobs. Is that successful? It really wasn't me...I did a lot of things wrong. Now, someone near and dear to me is spending time at eating disorder clinics, emergency departments of the hospital, classes, doctors' appointments because her adopted daughter suffers from a mental illness. Is she a successful parent? I think she is amazingly awesome, and I pray that her young one grows up to be amazingly awesome too.
     
  12. DaisyJane

    DaisyJane I probably should be working.

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    I hear you Nancy. I often think there was little I did as a parent, I simply had kids who were easy to raise.

    I know some really wonderful parents who have struggled with some really tough stuff. Life happens.
     
  13. Carolla

    Carolla wondering & wandering

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    I remember on original WC - Judd commented that our parenting job is - and it is something I've often repeated - "keep 'em alive til they're 25". Kids learn & grow and if we can keep them relatively healthy and safe until adulthood ... well done! Often during turbulent adolescent years here, when people would ask how the kids were, I would sometimes reply, "well, nobody's pregnant & nobody's in jail so I guess we're doing okay!" I realize that may sound a bit harsh or cynical - but there surely were some days for me when the foibles of adolescent life laid my self-confidence low and I wondered deeply how it would all turn out, despite my conscientious effort to be a 'good' loving, well informed parent.
     
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  14. Mrs.Anteater

    Mrs.Anteater Even winter will come to an end

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    That’s how I feel, too. Just lucky so far. Three of my friends have kids with mental health problems, one from overuse of pot, the other with an alcoholic background. All three are an ongoing worry, as they are not able to completely live on their own.
     
  15. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    My daughter was pregnant at her high school graduation; baby due on her 18th birthday, but waited a few days to have a birthday of his own. Father of baby a drug addict, and currently in jail. But daughter and grandson are doing great...a nice family now, with a law enforcement officer as 'Dad'. My daughter and I both say her baby at a young age actually saved her from continuing an unhealthy and wild life. So....any parenting part I had in that was to show her how important it is to love your kids. She is a model mom.
     
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  16. Luce NDs

    Luce NDs Well-Known Member

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    Kids and mother nature ... brute forces ... right?
     
  17. Kimmio

    Kimmio Well-Known Member

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  18. Kimmio

    Kimmio Well-Known Member

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    The above is "not good". Anyone grow up with it?
     
  19. Mrs.Anteater

    Mrs.Anteater Even winter will come to an end

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    I know very few people raised with a healthy self esteem. And the ones I know, came to it by their own healing work. It doesn’t really matter if the home was abusive, neglecting or just authoritarian. It matters what one makes out of it.
     
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  20. Kimmio

    Kimmio Well-Known Member

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    I would have to disagree that it doesn't matter.
     

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