Please try to stick by me.

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crazyheart

Rest In Peace: tomorrow,tomorrow
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My family, Pilgrim's Progress and Pinga have encouraged me to create a thread. WC and WC2 have

been a life line for me since WC started You have travelled with me through breast Cancer,masectomy ,Radiation Treatment,',

and 5 years of anti estrogen pills. I have never admitted this before but I am convinced that stress and cancer go hand

and hand. In my last 3years of ministry, I was bullied by the new ordained minister. It was a very tough

time I am a strong woman but it was more than I could Take. I became a victim. I lost weight and became someone

I didn't know or like. I was ready to retire so I left. He got rid of me and in less than a year walked away.

He accomplished what he set out to do.

CrazyDad was my strength. With in a year I had cancer. I did everything they said and I beat it. Left me with

COPD and compromised lungs.

Surgery would not be in my future.

Morley ,then , began showing symptons of Parkinsons but also Looey Body Dementia. When he got very sick

with hallucinations and not knowing me, stress became my constant companion and the family and myself

made the decision to put him in a nursing home. Wolseley was about an hour away but it was wonderful and he

loved it there. He passed three month later on Valentines day. So much happened in such a short time I knew

I was not a good caregiver. I knew he was sick but I also know I could have done better. 3 months later

I contacted pneumonia (even though, I had the shots) On the 10th day they told me they found 2 spots on my lung

which they would monitor. A month a go the growth became worrisome. Only my family knew and I was the

subject of a meeting. I needed a Pet/CT scan (only one in the province in Saskatoon) then I would have needed a lung

biopsy but too dangerous. Lung might collapse)and a heavy duty 2 or 3 treatments of radiation that can only

be done in Winnipeg. But at the meeting they decided that I qualified for a trial run here in Regina at the

Cancer Clinic. Getting back to stress, Morley's illness, my inadequatcy in caregiving, worrying about my kids'moving

caused me to get cancer the second time.(IMO)

So, I have had the Pet Scan in Saskatoon and was storm stayed and my daughter got rear ended in the

snow and blizzard but did not have damage or get hurt. Had a short time with my son. He was such a help.

This week the cancer clinic asked for blood tests, ultra sound of thyroid, and ct scan of adrenal gland..i have a

consultation May 4 with radiation onocologist.

friends have their own lives and disappear, church friends the same. I feel isolated and my whole support is my family

and my few friends that are left and my dear friends on Wonder Café 2

I get anxious and emotional and that irritates my breathing. I am always whining. Please bear with me,

crazyheart
 

BetteTheRed

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Oh, dear Heart, keep strong. I wish I were closer. I know how much your family adores you and will support you, but I also empathize with how much you have missed your best friend, Morley, at your side.

Talk to us whenever you need to, by whatever means you can. We will always help as much as we can, from a distance.

I was so delighted to have met you last fall, twice. My son thought you were a very cool, very nice, grandma-type lady. (He loved his grandma and was her constant companion until she passed.)
 

ChemGal

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Crazyheart, I have never thought of you as someone who is always whining (that would be me :p) you've had a bunch of really rough crap to deal with and reaching out, sharing, is the healthy way to deal with it.

I don't always know what to say, but when you share what's going on I'm wishing I could reach out and offer you a hug, I'm certainly NOT thinking oh, there goes CH again whining about something little.

Hopefully no more snow storms that make driving unsafe, so that's one worry to put aside for now.
When you do get anxious and your breathing feels more difficult do you have any techniques to help? I'm happy to share a few things/seek out some if you would like.

One thing I have found in dealing with my illness - make use of all things available that seem helpful! Support groups, therapy, a social worker to make whatever arrangements are needed, etc.
 

Redbaron

Who, me?
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CH, I knew you had a lot on your plate to deal with, but didn't know the pile was this high and deep. Wish I was closer geographically, so I could do something. I do hope you find thge support you need and deserve.
 

KayTheCurler

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Oh Crazyheart - what a s**tty time you have been having. It is too bad you seem to be lacking caring friends to walk with you - but wonderful to know how much your family love you. Sharing the reality of your situation isn't whining! I hope you can consider WC2 your special safe place for as long as you need it.
 

Pinga

Room for All
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You know, @crazyheart , you, and others, continue to teach us.
You teach us in this thread how to open up, and also to be aware that for many it is hard to.

You share the dark thoughts that go through one's mind when dealing with cancer.
The what-if's, the could-a, should-a, would-a

You shared the impact on family and how you move from being able to do things on your own, to having to accept help.

you teach.

you always have been a teacher, and so , you bring it here, too.
 

Carolla

wondering & wandering
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Ahhh friend crazyheart ... thank you for sharing what's going on right now. That's a LOT on your personal plate - nasty winter to top it all off. I'm sticking with you ... you can count on that. You've always been a central member of our community here - and you still are, judging by all the supportive posts above. I loved meeting you and your daughter in person last Sept when we visited. Your hospitality and concern for others shines through, even if you weren't feeling your best.

I wish you would not be so hard on yourself re your caregiving role with dear Morley. Lewy Body dementia is very difficult on everyone connected - probably one of the more difficult dementias in my experience. Morley sounded like quite a gem in his earlier years, from the stories you have told us - and I can imagine the two of you were a force to be reckoned with! You must miss him a lot, and miss your old self too in some ways. As that famous Bette Davis once said - "old age is not for sissies" - and I'm inclined to think she was speaking truth. You my friend are no sissy, but I bet you feel pretty vulnerable at the moment. So yes ... I'm sticking!!
 
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